Brief summary of the events
On February 28, 2023, His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama of Tibet attended a meeting organized by the M3M Foundation in Dharamsala, India.
M3M is a very important construction company in northern India. The founder of the company, Mr. Basant Basal, created a foundation for human development as an arm of his company. The M3M Foundation is chaired by his daughter, Dr. Payal Kanodia.
During the meeting, the Dalai Lama greeted graduates who participated in the foundation’s program. Mr. Basal’s entire family received His Holiness.
Dr. Payal Kanodia sat to the right of the Dalai Lama, and Mr. Basant Basal sat to His Holiness’s left.
A child (approximately 9 years old) participated in several moments during the event. He is the son of Dr. Payal Kanodia and the grandson of Mr. Basant, the host and owner of M3M. The child wore a yellow shirt.
In the first interaction, the child greeted the Dalai Lama upon His arrival. In the second interaction, the child presented offerings to the Dalai Lama. At this point, the child displayed a cultural gesture from the region by going to the monk’s feet, showing reverence. The Dalai Lama tries to shorten that formal distance in all his interactions with anyone, using gestures of gratitude, anecdotes, and some hand tricks. For example, seeing the child’s age, His Holiness relates a childhood anecdote with His brother, explaining to the child that when there were fights between them, His main weapon was to headbutt His brother. And He demonstrates to the child how He did it (for which He has to remove the typical hat that the child’s grandfather had just given Him).
The child makes gestures of pain but laughs, understanding and following the Dalai Lama’s game.
This was the first interaction on stage between the child and His Holiness that day.
Not satisfied with this approach to the spiritual master, later, the same child approached a microphone and asked the Dalai Lama directly if he could give him a hug. And due to the child’s insistence, the Dalai Lama began a new game of teasing the child with some typical features of Tibetan culture that would give rise to a great controversy.
A month and a few days later, that fragment of this encounter became a viral video on the Internet. Mass media around the world took the video and its content as news. Comments were made on newscasts, and long minutes were dedicated to it on open television programs. There were correspondences from India, editorial columns by international specialists in all the media in the world, they made duplexes with media personalities known for their new age spiritual discourse, among other media and online repercussions of various types.
The sequence observed in the fragment of the viralized video is very confusing for many viewers. During the weekend of April 9, 2023, the video in question took unprecedented international relevance, and the network was flooded with the repetition of this video through millions of accounts on social media.
Fragment of viralized video: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_aE4VYFaxKk
As a result of all this and noticing the public’s discomfort, His Holiness the Dalai Lama issued an official statement: https://www.dalailama.com/news/2023/statement-by-his-holiness-the-dalai-lama
Analysis of the viralized video on social media
This breakdown contains subjective observations from my part. By doing this, I am performing a detailed analysis based on a deep and extensive professional knowledge validated in communication, audiovisual media, and event production. My words do not represent the absolute truth or the position of anyone other than myself. I do not speak on behalf of anyone or represent anything. Therefore, everything I express is debatable and subject to comments and debate.
Here you can watch the complete video — without editing — which accurately reflects the scene in question; this video is part of the live broadcast made with two cameras: https://youtu.be/XpQxW932H64
Remember that this is the third moment of the child with the Dalai Lama. The first was the greeting, the second was the offering, and this one was requested by the child unexpectedly:
The child: “–Can I hug you?”
SS Dalai Lama doesn’t hear the child well or understand what he wants (he is losing his hearing at his age). They inform Dalai Lama that the child wants to greet him with a hug.
Dalai Lama accepts.
The child goes up on stage.
SS Dalai Lama tells him: “–First, here!” and points to his cheek.
After giving him a kiss, the child hugs Dalai Lama (this was the child’s only wish).
Dalai Lama then takes the child’s right arm and holds him.
Then, SS tells the child: “–Then… here also!” and points to his lips.
The child — who evidently knows the cultural/religious greeting — instead of giving him a kiss, hits him.
But SS lifts the child’s face, first with a finger and then with his entire hand (never letting go of the child’s right hand, which he continues to hold against his body); he does this so that the child will give him a kiss on the mouth, as he proposes, but the child naturally did not do it or comply with the request.
SS has trouble getting the child to reach his mouth because the child resists, even stepping up on his toes in a gesture of resistance.
Next, the child has a reflex action of shaking his head back, and lowers his heels after being forcibly on tiptoe, and looks at someone located behind and to the left of SS. All the adults around him laugh and enable the situation despite the child’s confusion or discomfort. The child laughs nervously.
Then, without letting go of the child’s face, the Dalai Lama does give him a headbutt. A typical greeting of Tibetan monks.
Next, there are a few seconds of silence where the situation has not yet dissolved, the child moves but is still held by SS.
Then, SS Dalai Lama tells the child: “–And suck my tongue,” and sticks out his tongue and brings his face close to the child with his tongue out. People laugh. The child laughs nervously, still being held.
The child slowly brings his head closer, with evident surprise, doubt, and discomfort.
Then Dalai Lama lets go of the child’s arm and gives him a pat on the body; a typical gesture from SS to people seeking complicity in an ironic way.
SS tells the child, “Thank you, thank you.” At that moment, the child wants to leave, but SS extends his hand again. The child goes to shake his hand as a sign of respect, but SS takes the child’s hand again and places it on his own face. The child was already in a position to leave, but SS held onto him again.
The child, visibly confused, adjusts his posture and when he’s about to look out at the audience, SS starts to let him go, and the child looks at the Dalai Lama.
SS again brings the child towards his body with one hand and takes hold of the back of the child’s neck with the other hand (this is also the typical way the Dalai Lama embraces). The child is surprised and doesn’t understand how to position himself, but the strength of SS brings him closer to his body and hugs him again.
The child wants to break free from the embrace, moves, but SS holds onto him for a little longer.
After that, the Dalai Lama lets go of the child completely, and the child takes two steps away from SS.
SS says a few more words to the child after saying “Thank you” again. An assistant of SS does something behind them; the child looks at the assistant of SS while nervously touching and wrinkling the tablecloth. The Dalai Lama gives a teaching to the child.
Again, SS extends his arms and takes hold of the back of the child’s neck. The child now hugs SS. The Dalai Lama no longer holds onto the child’s right arm. During this last embrace, SS tickles the child and the child laughs.
Let’s delve deeper into this issue
In light of what is seen in the video (or from reading my description), there could be one or several lines of interpretation:
• It is an abuse of “such” nature for “such” reason.
• It is not an abuse: there is no intention to abuse the child, there is no violation of any kind towards the child.
• It is an elderly person doing things that elderly people do.
• It is a pedophile doing things that pedophiles do.
• It is an adult person with a comical character playing a trick on a child. The child did not understand the code of the game and at times appears bewildered.
• It is an adult person with a comical character playing a trick on a child; the problem is that the adult does not realize or distinguish that their proposal exposes the child and themselves; they do not measure the consequences of their behavior, and do not take into account the criteria of others or the rules of conduct that the current world considers appropriate.
• SS Dalai Lama is like that, he makes jokes with all kinds of people of any age. It is a perfectly normal situation. There is nothing strange, uncomfortable, or surprising; therefore any interpretation is an exaggeration and any judgment is unjust in itself.
Important questions to ask ourselves and some possible answers
Who is that child?
He is part of the host family who receives His Holiness the Dalai Lama.
How does that child, during this event, end up asking for a hug from the Dalai Lama?
Obviously, he was enabled by his mother, who was next to HH, and his grandfather, who was on the other side of HH. We could also assume that the child was given a role in the offering ceremony (a role assigned by the adults in charge).
Who is the responsible adult for that child? Where is the responsible adult at that moment?
The mother is responsible. She is right there, next to the Dalai Lama. She even feels embarrassed by her son’s boldness, who, after several interactions, insists on having contact with His Holiness.
Why does HH the Dalai Lama not realize that his behavior is exceeding the expressed will of the child?
One possibility is that, in the face of repeated interactions with the child and the spontaneous insistence of the child’s request for a hug (as good children do, they ask and ask and ask for more), HH wanted to play one of his typical ironic jokes on the child. To the point of doubling down, trying to show him that he is willing to give him everything and that he has nothing else to offer. According to some Tibetan analysts, by offering his tongue to a child, a typical joke of Tibetan grandparents towards their grandchildren is being emulated, which tries to express something like: “I don’t have candy, what else do you want? Take my tongue!” in order to discourage the insistence and constant demands of children. Then the Dalai Lama holds the child and recites a mantra with the child’s hand on his face. And in the last hug, he takes the time to emanate his calm and love towards that child and the attendees with a final message of equanimity: we are all the same, brothers and sisters. If at any point the Dalai Lama realized that the child was uncomfortable in the interaction, he may have tried to redeem himself with this final message.
Why was the child exposed to this situation?
Because for him, his family, and many of those present, His Holiness the Dalai Lama is a being who embodies love and compassion, in addition to being a revered teacher deserving of offerings and reverence. The child was enabled to participate in a public event, as many other children have in apparently harmless situations. There was no sense of exposure on the part of the adults, but rather a clear sense of pride in the child’s participation in the event. However, the intimate interaction between the child and the Dalai Lama unfolded in a way that had never happened before in His Holiness’s public interactions. Many people may view this situation as uncomfortable or even abusive towards the child. However, the child and his family posed for the cameras, took dozens of photos with His Holiness, and gave interviews about their closeness with the master. It was a festive and joyful day for that family, a unique and possibly unrepeatable event for them. This controversial interaction between His Holiness and the child was just one of several interactions that took place between them during the event. This interaction is questionable and even reprehensible from one perspective, given the unnecessary use of verbal and gestural language that was not appropriate for the child. However, the child publicly expressed his desire for an intimate connection with His Holiness through a hug. Therefore, although the controversial situation occurred in a very small segment of a long day of visit, which had many moments of interaction and complicity between the child and the master, no one can observe a similar interaction that can be labeled as “abusive” by the elderly master towards the child in the rest of the day (also recorded by several cameras and microphones) and in the different interactions.
Why does His Holiness the Dalai Lama expose himself to this situation?Because he has human interactions with all kinds of people of all ages, religions, and nationalities for decades. He spreads a clear and compelling message aligned with the Dharma of Buddha Gautama throughout the world and through impeccable conduct (until this event). His mission is to unite human beings, to demonstrate that there are no barriers, that there is only love and no differences. And his way of breaking the ice in these stressful situations for anyone (surrounded by cameras, microphones, in front of the authority of a world spiritual leader, with hundreds of people around) is like many other people do: through humor and complicit teasing. To make these jokes, he discovers ridiculous details and innocently mocks his and others’ own flaws or the clothing they wear. Not with a malicious intent, but with a purpose to ridicule characteristics that may seem distinctive at first. His Holiness the Dalai Lama does not take into account the distinctions that secular people or civil societies make and actively seeks to break down that symbolic barrier with these acts. He behaves naturally without any bad intention. Certainly, his advanced age makes his jokes take longer to materialize, and his poor English does not help him in resolving some situations for which he cannot find the best phrases or words to use (this is visible in several other situations, even in those that some media try to interpret as “controversial phrases” with a bias that points to gender violence when the Dalai Lama’s intention is to ridicule himself and ridicule Western perspectives on what is of interest to the eye).
Understanding the suffering and confusion that this particular situation generated in many people, on April 10, 2023 (the day after the video went viral), His Holiness the Dalai Lama acknowledges the mistake in his actions and words, and regrets the incident through an official statement on his website and social media. He apologizes to the global community, the child, and the family (with whom the Dalai Lama obviously has private contact and does not need to rely on social media to communicate with them, the gesture is towards the public).
What do people see when they notice child abuse?
Many people in the West (and also in other regions of the world) have a different criterion and other concepts to interpret and distinguish actions and phrases. It is true that segmenting 2 minutes of this long ceremony, even making a shorter cut… many of the physical, gestural and verbal signs are similar to those perceived in a situation of sexual abuse. They possibly see an asymmetrical relationship between a child and an elderly person, between an authority and a subject of that authority. This is added to the bias of abuses in religious environments, knowing the atrocities and abuses discovered in monasteries, churches, temples, and other sites of religious reference (equally atrocious as those discovered in schools, universities, hospitals, sports environments, etc.). Many people also see in these images a reflection of abuses experienced by themselves, where in most cases “play” is the excuse to consummate the abuse. The English phrase “suck my” is pronounced only in a sexual context, which further promotes this reading. The visible apathy that the child expresses with his gestural and bodily language at various moments, indicates that in the entire situation the child is several times bewildered and uncomfortable. Being held by an adult who manipulates and proposes intimate contact, one could speak of an abuse of power over the minor. The sexual intention in this case could be debatable, but the similarity of these actions to those of sexual abuse towards a child are parallel.
What do people see when they notice a playful attitude from the Dalai Lama?
Many see in this situation the Dalai Lama being just like always. They see a genuine behavior from the Dalai Lama. Perhaps slower at 87 years old, but with the same ironic and sarcastic tone as always. Teasing the little one who was already a bit demanding towards him. But agreeing to his request and playing some jokes, while giving him his compassion and some words of wisdom. Some people see in this situation, even in the discomfort of the child, a typical interaction between a playful grandfather and a child who naturally becomes uncomfortable, but in no case is there an intention of abuse but rather of lesson and teasing.
Has the Dalai Lama behaved similarly and with similar gestures in the past?
Yes. Many times. With all kinds of people of all ages. Always in public and breaking schemes and taboos towards the honors and respects that oriental people usually present to personalities like him. Approaching Western societies through his gestures, smiles, and good humor; playing jokes with clothes, aesthetic or physical characteristics. In this sense, these days an interaction is being attempted to be pointed out as “inappropriate” towards singer and actress Lady Gaga in a public conference in 2016, who appeared with visibly torn pants at the event. When His Holiness discovers this unique fashion worn by the singer, apparently it was an unbeatable distinctive feature to point out and bother the actress (in public, in front of the cameras, even laughing with the microphone open).
Sources: https://youtu.be/K853S_1rzyU?t=38 https://www.instagram.com/p/CmbP3gTS0B6/ https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjp6PYIJv8s/ https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci2CQ_Ip_fr/ https://www.instagram.com/p/B3_yIH0pSGx/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BzuxJINJD46/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BtvVgFFF_bg/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BkClVD1gLnX/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BkAAaXjgrID/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BefWe4VnU0a/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BdPmNilnQag/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BXC_68Khkoz/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BWhaMrrh1cM/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BSa3939hTyy/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BQz4O94Bito/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BMi75MxgETO/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BKIZFSoADEB/ https://www.instagram.com/p/BIUdjV9gYfW/ https://www.instagram.com/p/7sG1elMEhX/ https://www.instagram.com/p/0m3iKrMEoI/ https://www.instagram.com/p/r4H2zoMEnz/ https://youtu.be/n2-zkCNQBbg
What enables this behavior by the Dalai Lama within his spiritual community (towards anyone, but especially towards a minor)?
There is no specific enabling. It is a trait of Tenzin Gyatso’s character (Tibetan name of the Dalai Lama) and not a dogma or rule that enables him to behave in this way towards people who approach him.
How did the mass media around the world act after a video fragment of the incident went viral on social media?
The media shared a very brief fragment of the video. There was no analysis of the context of the event or cultural traits. The media that took more screen time and had a presenter specifically talk about the topic showed inconsistent analysis, lacked reliable information, had many wrong assumptions, and made empirical assumptions. Other media outlets that clearly rejected the gestures and words of the Dalai Lama were derogatory and even violent towards him. Many people confuse religions, mix controversies, sects, cases of past abuse, and other unsupported inconsistencies. In all cases, they made the child a victim of abuse. In very few cases, the identity of the allegedly abused child was preserved. In fact, neither the child nor the family felt like victims of abuse, but rather the opposite. They did not publish this video fragment to defame His Holiness the Dalai Lama, but for some unknown reason (although there are presumptions of a political nature), this video was released one month later, cut and with an interpretive intention.
Why did it go viral one month after the event?
I can’t think of any options to answer this question. Some attribute the issue to a political dispute and an intention to harm the image of the Dalai Lama.
What political implications does the resulting negative image of the Dalai Lama have?
For decades, the Dalai Lama has lived in exile, having been persecuted by China in his homeland. An invasion followed by genocide occurred in the 1950s in Tibet. Since then, the Dalai Lama has been the political and spiritual representative of Tibet in exile. China has explicit intentions to intervene in the succession of the Dalai Lama, and various campaigns against the image of the Tibetan leader have been propagated over the decades.
What does the Dalai Lama of Tibet symbolize politically?
Until 2011, he was the highest political representative of the Tibetan people. The rivalry with China has existed since Mao’s time when a brutal invasion, torture, killings, and burning of monasteries were carried out in Tibet. The Dalai Lama and what he symbolizes globally, and especially for the Tibetan people, are inconvenient for the interests of the Eastern power.
Should children be protected from situations like these?
Obviously, children should be protected from this kind of situations. There may be much to question regarding the participation of children in adult events, in jokes or pranks that can be made with children and those that should not be made under any circumstances. We could question whether children should be exposed to cameras and microphones from mass media. We could also establish guidelines to understand when an intimate interaction is allowed towards a child, and when an intimate interaction is inappropriate towards a child. We could also do a great review of how a topic involving children is treated in mass media (even more if it involves minors who are supposedly abused). We could establish explicitly and implicitly that the child’s superior right must be put first at all times and under any circumstance. We could agree to establish the limits of public interactions with children to safeguard all children in the world from abusive situations: that there is no image or word that can be interpreted as abuse, that can validate abusive behavior in another context, or that can hurt the susceptibility of people who have experienced abuse in their lives.
How do we protect children from abusive situations (of any kind)?
With information. With resources to know how to say “no” to certain proposals that may make them uncomfortable. Allowing them to relate uncomfortable events; validating their voice, sensation, feelings, and thoughts. Also, taking responsibility as adults to decide whether it is right or not to publicly expose childhood to possible media excesses in the world today. Exercising our responsibility to preserve children even in the face of authority of any nature and scope.
Taking knowledge of the immense number of cases of child abuse of all kinds that exist in intrafamily and social networks. Cases of abuse towards children are aberrant, and the number of affected childhoods is often not taken into account. The effects of abuse on children cause much pain and suffering in the lives of girls, boys, adults, families, and entire communities.
Sources: https://www.rae.es/dpd/abusar https://dpej.rae.es/lema/abuso http://www.enciclopedia-juridica.com/aviso-legal.htm https://dle.rae.es/abusar#0EUOgTV https://www.un.org/es/events/childrenday/pdf/derechos.pdf https://www.ohchr.org/es/instruments-mechanisms/instruments/convention-rights-child https://www.who.int/es/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/child-maltreatment https://www.unicef.org/child-protection https://www.unicef.org/topics/child-abuse https://data.unicef.org/topic/child-protection/violence/
What can be done from now on to better preserve the Dalai Lama and Buddhism as a whole?
It is a futile idea to ask the 87-year-old Dalai Lama to change his playful behavior. Perhaps the Tibetan and Buddhist community should take care of him and other innocent and naive masters in such a way that no gesture can be taken out of context and used against them. Or if we detect that someone is confused or uncomfortable in their interaction with a master, the possibility of intervening in the interaction to dissolve the situation quickly should be enabled.
Although some people may be able to resolve the intentionality of the Dalai Lama’s actions with a little context and information, this type of intimate contact with a child was evidently unnecessary and could be prevented in the future to avoid the suffering of many people. The physical contact of a monastic towards a layperson can be interpreted in a way that harms someone. At the same time, it is clear that many people are confused and affected by an event of this nature and its violent repercussion. Therefore, anything that preserves genuine masters should be welcomed as a proposal and taken seriously to avoid unnecessary suffering.
What role do companies, marketing, branding, social media, international press, and the general public play in these types of situations?
This situation combines all the negative factors of a logic of competition in a sea of biased information. All the media wanted to give their opinion, verdict, and put their logo on dozens of videos that were and continue to be circulated throughout the internet. And the public consumed this passively, without being able to question what the context of this confusing situation was or taking the trouble to delve into the subject.
Additional material:
Perspective of a Tibetan activist: https://youtu.be/bT0qey5Ts78 (Part 1 — English) https://youtu.be/P38uylAkhHU (Part 2 — English) https://youtu.be/UCIKKYW8jT0 (Full with Spanish subtitles)
Television conversation between a practicing Buddhist philosopher and children’s rights activist: https://youtu.be/Bo0LqDseXNM https://youtu.be/ngKaHmDN61s
Perspective of Dr. Lobsang Sangay, the first Sikyong (President) of the Central Tibetan Administration: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=539022788411756
1 million Tibetan children separated from their families by the Chinese government: https://youtu.be/s4zGhnkNPFU https://news.un.org/en/story/2023/02/1133212 https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2023/02/china-un-experts-alarmed-separation-1-million-tibetan-children-families-and
